Heavy Duty
by StudentofDust
Summary: Just a random story concept that popped into my head awhile back. Contains quite a bit of chipping away at the fourth wall, plus a bonus surprise ending! Rated T for quite a bit of foul language.


"Dude! Watch out!"

The BLU Scout fired off a burst from his scattergun, and killed the RED Spy that had been just about to stab the enemy Heavy in the back.

"What the hell, man? Get ya head back in the game!"

This snapped the Heavy out of his reverie, and he fired up the Tomislav that he was carrying, laying waste to a pair of Soldiers trying to take advantage of the confusion.

A voice came from the sky, interrupting all other conversation: "Mission ends in sixty seconds!"

"Dammit!" the Scout shouted as he ran towards the RED base. "We still have one more flag left to capture!" He blasted a Pyro in the face, and the firebrand fell to the ground dead.

"How long was I gone for?" the Heavy shouted over the noise of battle.

"Not long, but don't do that shit again, ok?" The Heavy nodded and switched to his shotgun, finishing off a dying enemy Scout that he came across.

The pair was running as fast as they could, when the next voice sounded: "Mission ends in thirty seconds!" They ran as fast as their legs could take them, and they reached the enemy base with only twenty seconds to spare.

The Scout raced ahead and grabbed the briefcase containing the enemy's plans and battle strategies, while the Heavy mowed any curious RED onlooker down before they could say "Who took my sandvich!"

A second later, the Scout was back out, and he and the Heavy ran off towards their own base. The Scout turned to the Heavy. "When we get done with this mission, I'm either going to kill you, or actually give you a chance to explain just WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?"

In response, the Heavy turned and shotgunned a Spy trying to sneak up on them, then turned agilely and kept running, silent the whole time.

They made it back to their base with only three seconds left to spare, and once they secured the briefcase, the voice spoke the one word guaranteed to cheer up even the most dejected Engineer: "Victory!"

All the men cheered; they had won the battle, finally. For the past eight matches, they had been getting their collective asses handed to them by the RED team, but things were starting to turn around for them. They could feel it.

While the rest of the BLU team members stayed around to party it up before their next battle, the Heavy and the Scout retreated to a private corner. They sat down, and the Scout looked at the Heavy.

"Okay, big guy, I'm not mad at you. I just am kinda curious as to why you were so zonked out earlier."

If the Scout could believe his eyes, the Heavy appeared to actually be blushing a bit…

"No, it is nothing," the Heavy replied. "Nothing important."

"Important or not, you almost got yourself killed out there. What happened? You look like someone had thrown a stun grenade at you or something…"

The Heavy looked around to see if there was anyone who may be listening, before he leaned in close and whispered: "So… I was looking around on ze Internet last night, and I found out about this show… It's called something Friendship is The Magic or something like that."

"I vaguely know what you're talking about, but go on."

"See," the Heavy continued, "there's this character in ze show… named, ah, Pinkie Pie. And, well… she is very cute character-"

"Whoa, whoa," the Scout interrupted, holding his hands out imploringly. "You can't seriously be trying to tell me that all that shit that happened today… was because you were daydreaming about someone that, by the way, DOESN'T EVEN EXIST?"

The Heavy glared at him. "Who is to say that we exist? We could be just as fictional as that character is."

Scout laughed a bit, but cut himself off when he saw that his Heavy partner was totally serious. "Wait, you're not joking? Dude, how the hell can we be fictional characters? Don't you think we'd know it, at least?"

"Not necessarily, not if ze person who made us this way, did not want us to know that."

"Oh for Christ's sake…" The Scout shook his head sadly. "Anyways, whatever. The point is, you know that this Pinkie Pie character isn't real, right?"

"Of course I do! I am not ze stupid one here."

"Oh, and you're saying that I am?" the Scout retorted.

"Vell, you did almost get me killed that one time…"

"Oh come on… that was *one* time, and you're still going to give me shit for it?"

"You shot me right in ze face! Seeing that I was a member of your team, you still shot me right in ze face!"

_As the two walked off, still bantering, a pair of eyes peeked out at them from behind the couch where they were just sitting. Pinkie Pie laughed as she saw the Heavy leaving._

_"Fictional or not… you are still one damned handsome devil."_


End file.
